why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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