Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
