so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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