Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
