He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
