Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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