last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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