We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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