Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My bed smells like the plague
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I'm really busy with my period
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