Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
