Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
