Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
