drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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