i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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