Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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