I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
