my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
