i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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