just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
