I wanna bring you to show and tell
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
