Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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