just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
