she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
