Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
smell my finger.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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