That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize