My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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