I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
