i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize