I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
