Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
