He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
