Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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