Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize