I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
