I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
