Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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