First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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