Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I smell like Dick and happiness
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
