Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You did what with his pubic hair?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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