if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
