i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
