now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
