we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
