He kissed a someone with a penis
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
