He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
