Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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