i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
