3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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