How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
