She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
