Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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