The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
