careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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