Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just gift wrapped bread.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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