How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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