hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
