you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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