Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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