I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
