doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
