You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
