We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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