ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize