the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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