They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
