Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
