I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
