He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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