You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
