she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's always time for handjobs
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
