im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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