Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
