Do you still have your period?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
