I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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