did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
