If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
