Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
