Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize