I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
