WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
