shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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