you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Never joke about your clitoris.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
