Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He passed out mid-signature
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
