He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
