I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize