i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
