I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
