A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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