addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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