Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
