I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Girls should come with a carfax report
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize