what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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