I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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